Son you got it some kind of BAD, Going through, been through what you have and you feel that way… Yall need to seek Help somebody to help you BOTH through… Now she dont and will not do that, BRO you will need to suck it up and move on… I know it hurts for you and we are all sorry to be reading this… Just see if she will both talk and get HELP
She filed a restraining order. That means he can’t contact her. He could possibly have a lawyer contact her with a proposal.
I have been through a very similar situation but with children involved. It has been a year and six months now, and am very happy with where my life is. I went from having absolutely nothing to having an amazing girlfriend who treats me a thousand times better I get my kids every weekend and have just bought a house. Keep your chin up and your thoughts positive and anything can happen!!!
How old were you when it all happened?
I am 28 and this all happened 18 months ago
I’m 27. I feel like my last 3 years may have been a waste. If my wife leaves me, then everything I’ve been working for was worthless. Lifelong love, a family, children, a house together, all of it. I waited a long time to meet my wife, and I love her so much, and the thought that I may no longer have her is killing me. And it’s worse than if she just died in an accident or something, because I have to realize that she is possibly seeing someone else behind my back and is leaving me for some other guy. And the love of my life will be out there somewhere, more happy than she was with me, and I’ll be alone, mourning and grieving my losses for months, years. In fact I bet this could leave lifelong scars that I’ll have forever.
She may or may not be happier. You have no idea how her life could turn out without you. I know this one thing for sure though. When you become super successful, make tons of money, and finally meet a women that treats you right and you seem happy with her, have kids or whatever. She will feel what you are feeling now.
Your wife, or no one else, makes you… You make you. So jump in your truck, hook up the trailer and go make some money. It will keep you busy, keep your mind occupied and set a path for you. Or you can sit in the hotel go broke and dwell in it until you go nuts… There’s nothing you can do about what she did, you can only make the choice to keep moving forward.
It is the worst pain you will ever have to go through and it won’t get better for a while but if you keep the idea in your head that there is a future between you and her, then it won’t get better for a lot longer man. When me and her broke up she said she wanted me back and wanted our family back together. When I went to her house the next day there was another guy in her bed. I tried breaking down the door. She called the cops. I understand your feeling brother but it won’t get better if you keep wanting to settle for less than what you deserve. I felt like a failure because I lost my family and as a man it was my job to keep it together but you will realize a long time from now that that’s not how it goes
This is just my opinion. Move back home with your new truck trailer and equipment with your family. Get your business rolling and try and work for cash to prevent her from getting $$. I doubt Cali will come get you 2500 miles away for a domestic charge. I wouldn’t even show up for court. Do all divorce issues by mail. She was cheating and I wouldn’t give a damn because of that alone. If she cheats once she will cheat again. Again this is just my take. Good luck Justin.
Get a lawyer
Thank you. I appreciate your advice and everyone else’s. I don’t know that she cheated on me. I know that it looks that way, but it hurts so badly to think that she did that to me. I don’t want to assume though without hearing it from her that she is guilty. I love her, and she is my wife. I love her enough to try really hard to not make assumptions from the things I’ve learned. But I can’t talk to her because of the restraining orders, and maybe I’ll never get to know for sure, and I’ll be forced to completely assume. It hurts so much to have learned what I learned, to have gone through what I’ve gone through this past week, and to be here alone trying to deal with everything by myself without my family to support me. Hell, this is what a wife is for, I thought. To be here for me when I’m going through something so unbearable that I can’t hardly stand to be alive any longer. This is when I need her the most, and yet I’m fighting her legally and wanting her emotionally.
I meet with a lawyer tomorrow night at 5:30 to talk things over and discuss my options. I should know then if I can leave and go home for a while to have some help. I pray to God that they’ll let me go home. I’m not going to make it out here without my wife. She was the only reason I came to California. I left what I knew and what I loved so that I could help her be happy and let her be close to her family because to me, it was more important that she be happy and have what she needs than anything I could ever need or want. And now she got what she needed, and it looks like I’m no longer on her list of needs.
Sometimes people get back together, sometimes not. What often happens is the one that cheated (her) gets dumped, and wants their old life back… but usually the person that was cheated on (you) has moved to greener pastures with someone better, and is happier than they were before.
Whatever may happen in the future, I can tell you this: there is virtually zero chance of any reconciliation happening anytime soon. There is nothing that could be said to change anything right now. If you get the green light from the lawyer, your best bet is probably to go be with your family.
Don’t get sucked under. Adopt a fighting mentality, and fight for yourself every day. You can beat this. Put one foot in front of the other and move forward.
One day it won’t hurt anymore. Fight until you make it to that day.
Well put Greg
I’m new here but not new to this. I had to counsel military members on the same thing as you are going thru. First and foremost, PROTECT YOURSELF. What I mean by this is to record, copy, screenshot, or save anything you have that may validate your claim. Make sure it has a time/date stamp on it. When it gets nasty it will save you. It will be her word against yours. It has not came to a head yet, so to speak, and when it does IT WILL GET BAD! Call the credit companies(there is 3) and let then know what is going on. This will save your credit in the future. Restrict you banking accounts so no more than what ever amount you apply can be with drawn. Go and get a copy of the police report and find out exactly what you was charged with and what your court date is if any. I have dealt with Ca law and they will almost always go with the female. If you are not restricted from leaving the state then leave asap. This will ensure that she can’t file bogus charges against you with the restraining order. Do not try getting in contact with her as it may violate the restraining order. Let your counsel do all the work. This is the calm before the storm so be ready. I am truly sorry for you that you have to go thru this. It is not good anyway, shape, or form.
As others have said, don’t start calling names or jeopardize yourself in anyway. Just be rationale about your decisions.
Great advice, especially on the documentation and the credit part. Can’t he put a freeze on his credit with agencies so that no new accounts can be opened or is that a good idea?
Seriously man, I went through a thing where my ex took my kid in the middle of the night and moved out of state from St.louis to VA. It may not be what you want to hear, but you are now in a battle, make no mistake about it. Protect yourself. From what I’ve read of your posts you’re a pretty smart guy. Use that methodical brain of yours and apply it to this situation. She is already working against you, be proactive and think of your future every time you make a decision. Don’t let her sweet talk you into letting your guard down either man, they will try to do that.
Yes, you can put a hold on any credit in your name. But it will not help if she opens it in hers. He will need to have the counsel draft a separations agreement and file it with the courts. Once this is done then anything after the notarization will fall on the party who opened it. He is still her husband and are joint belongings. This will separate that.
From this point forward you need to have !EVERYTHING! go thru your counsel. That will mitigate any misunderstandings. Be mindful that she has everyone on her side right telling her to do this and do that. So when I say don’t contact her that means anyone from her side of the relationship. IT WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU IN A COURT OF LAW!
It is absolutely a phenomenal book. Knowing how the you, yourself accept love and how the other accepts love is an integral part of any relationship.
Thank you everyone for your advice and concern for me. I really appreciate everything. I’m having a really hard time figuring out what exactly I need to do, and just taking little steps is difficult. Today I opened new bank accounts so that I can protect my finances. Still need to talk to the lawyer tonight though.