I might be done


#1

I was arrested Monday night. I was in jail from then until Thursday night after I bailed myself out. My wife and I got into a big fight after I found some checking accounts and credit card accounts that I didn’t know about. The credit card had a hotel charge on it for a night she supposedly went out for a girlfriend night to the movies. Anyways, the neighbor called the police and that was it. We did get into a physical fight over her cell phone that I wanted to look through to see her messages and phone calls, and she didn’t want me to see any of it. I did grab and push her during that time.

I got fired from my job for missing the days I was in jail, and I called a lawyer about all the legal paperwork I’ve been getting and he advised me that it looks like my wife may be setting up to divorce me based on the legal stuff I’ve been served so far.

She filed a restraining order against me and I can’t go home and we moved to california to be near her family, so naturally, I have no one here. My family helped put me in a hotel for a few days while I figure out what to do.

Last week I had a great job and what I thought was a good marriage. Suddenly I’m a criminal with no job and I think my wife has been cheating on me and is leaving me. I found in our Chrome History that while I was in jail she was searching how to get alimony out of a divorce suit.

I am not doing well. And I don’t know what I’m going to do.

This is why I’ve been absent. I’m only posting this now because I’m alone in a hotel and everyone in my family is 2500 miles away and I don’t have any friends here outside of my wife’s friends and family, and I’m very alone and I wanted to share why I haven’t posted more about my trailer build.


#2

shit man… i really feel for you dude. I can’t say i know how you feel… but when this all passes you will be better for it. Dont give up! you are better off without her. you dont wanna be surrounded by people like that. keep your head up! we’re here for you and im sure i’m not the only one who feels that way


#3

Keep you head high, If in fact she was cheating on you and I know its hard but, your better off without her. Do NOT let this ruin YOU…Be strong, you can do ANYTHING you want…No-one is worth loosing your sanity over. There are bigger and better thing out there for you!!! Stay strong and be positive. Good things come to those that do good!


#4

much better said.


#5

I am so so sorry to hear this.

I’m not going to lie, you are about to go through some very rough waters. Please please do not do anything rash right now. You have to keep your head level and fight through this, it’s the only way. I really wish there was something more i could do to help you right now. Please post here if you start feeling overwhelmed.

I’m sending you a PM.


#6

dive into your work man, just focus. She’s a fucking loser and she will always be a loser.


#7

Wow, sorry you are having to experience this. Life brings challenges.
Thanks for posting about your absence. We were begining to worry.
If you feel this forum is a place to share, I’m sure the mods will allow it.
Stay strong.


#8

I know a few guys who have gone through similar situations. It sucks right now but DO NOT contact her. My buddies came out stronger and believe it or not, have better lives and are in better relationships now. Stay strong!


#9

Start setting up for your for your rebuttal for the fight. I am not sure what you said and how that is going to play out. If it is a misdemeanor and you jump state you might be okay, just never go back to California, your wife will get everything you own and you will be stuck with the debt.

Record all conversations with her and keep physical copies of everything she has said to you and all the extra stuff she has done with the credit cards, hotels etc. You will need this for court. If you do this right, you can prove that she intentionally opened the accounts to put you in debt. If you can prove her infidelity you will have a much greater case to fight with.

Good thing you guys don’t have kids.

If you want to talk you can PM me and we can chat on the phone or whatever.

I got an open schedule and have no real time constraints for most of the week.


#10

Just got to make sure he is super picky next time.

@jzbreeland Just make sure you don’t jump from one relationshit to another relationshit. Play the field a bit. Be free, get your freak on!


#11

Stay strong, seasons in life aren’t always pretty, you just have to be strong and get through them.
People in your state lost everything to a fire, others are losing it to the winter storm, yours happens to be man made, but you must, and you will, grow and learn, and advance through it.
I tell myself to be successful despite, you should tell yourself the same thing.
Justin, Be strong, courageous, and forgiving. Yes, forgiving. You’ll be happier in the end.


#12

Damn Justin. Sorry man. But as others have said, you can get thru this. Heck you’ve got a new pickup and a trailer. All a man really needs, lol.
Seriously, what did they charge you with? Have you talked to your boss? Did you explain it to him and no luck? If you have no job and no kids and she works, chances of her getting alimony slim and none. PM me.


#13

Dang dude… keep your head up. It’s always darkest before the dawn is a cliche because it’s mostly true.

For those of you talking trash about his wife without hearing the other side of the story that’s BS. Grow up.

You can support Justin wholeheartedly without slamming the unheard party just as Justin should focus on moving forward and not the things holding him back.


#14

It’s true. I don’t have any hard feelings towards her right now. I miss her. I love her. I just want to hold her right now. And I can’t. I can’t call her to ask questions. I can’t find out from her what was true and what wasn’t. I can’t ask her if she still loves me, or if she wants to try to work on things. And my heart just aches for her right now.


#15

I read a book titled 5 Love Laguages a couple years ago and felt really silly about it as a single guy in my late 20’s but it’s been one of the best selling books every year it came out for a reason.

And now I’m coming up on my 2nd anniversary with Emma which has, admittedly, been the longest relationship of my life and I’m 33. I’d suggest a trip to the bookstore. It’s a great book to own whether or not you fix this relationship or for your next one when you’re ready.


#16

I know the feeling buddy. I had almost every girlfriend cheat on me. I am really bad at picking them out. Once you get your heart broken a few times it stops bothering you. Any girlfriend could cheat on me at this point and I would get over it in about 30 seconds.

I have learned one thing in life. If this person you love would lie to you, cheat on you, sneak behind your back and open lines of credit, etc. She does not care about you the way you care about her. If she cared and did the things you said she did she would have first not opened those accounts without your permission, not lied about her expenses and where she was at, and at the very least discussed the option of letting her be with another partner, or have an open relationship.

This may be hard to hear, but take it from a guy who has been cheated on by almost everyone he’s dated.

You are better off without her. You don’t need to be around her. You may get physical again and end up getting felonies, She will ruin your life and happiness. You left everything for her and this is how she treated you. Leave her alone. If you have to, start talking to other people to get through this time. Stay single for a while and get your head straight.


#17

I’ve read it. I own it. It is good.


#18

Read it again. Then find a marriage counselor. :slight_smile:


#19

I think I’ll need counseling regardless of whether my marriage survives. I really don’t think it will survive, but once I cope with the present issues and find a way to start rebuilding, I’m going to invest some good time and money into helping myself deal with all the hurt. I imagine something like will scar me for life, regardless of ever moving on or finding someone new, or even if my wife wants to reconcile. I think there is permanent damage already.


#20

My first girlfriend scared me for life. I was 18, dated her for two years, during that time…

  • Cheated on me constantly
  • Made hidden myspace profiles
  • Cheated with a homeless drug addict
  • Told everyone I was just her gay friend
  • Went on a two week break so she could try to date another guy
  • Lied about being raped by her friend
  • Told me she thought she got an std by sitting on a toilet seat
  • Cried daily and said she would kill herself if I left her
  • Pretended to be sick if I was happy or spending time with my family
  • When visiting my family she would sit in the car
  • Got upset because I noticed her flirting with a guy in the mall, brought it up in the car on the way home, she got pissed rolled down the window and started screaming rape.

God I hate that person.

Anyways, moral of the story here. You can get through it. There may be some scaring that affects future relationships.